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His Best Thing Pt II

Aug 09 0 Comments

In short, she didn’t mean anything to him other than good¬†company¬†on occasion. He didn’t give a f*ck.

I will admit, I’ve gotten caught up in the whole don’t give a f*ck trap myself. I once had a guy tell me that he knew I wanted to be romanced and wanted a guy that would swim the widest ocean, climb the highest mountain and under no circumstances was he going to ever do that. Instead of thanking him kindly for his time and getting the heck out of dodge I continued to date him. Why would your girl do that? Youth, estrogen the fact that he resembled a young Denzel Washington..I don’t know but the point is I stayed put. Surely he doesn’t mean that I thought. I rationalized away his intent and put my head down, intent on dating him because I liked him so much. Needless to say, that particular situation came back to haunt me, horribly. Why didn’t I listen? He didn’t give a f*ck.

Later in the song, Jay Z goes on to address some of the other women he was involved with before he married Queen Bee. He apologizes briefly and assures them that it wasn’t them it was him; he then wraps it all up by saying his¬†new¬†bride is the best out of them all. The second verse is just as important as the first. Just because a man may not see your worth in his life, doesn’t negate the jewel that you are. It simply means he’s not the right one for you. You don’t need to feel bad about you, or anything associated with you. Its not you. It may not necesarrily be him. Its just not the right fit. The longer you stay, the longer you delay the inevitable. He doesn’t give a f*ck.

Recently after sending another toad back to the pond, I felt a little bad about how everything played out. I had finally met a guy that embodied many of the traits I had written down on my vision board and it turned out I wasn’t the match he’d written on his. My Prince Charming candidate explained that he wasn’t interested in dating a girl that worked the type of job I do. This baffled me and my feelings were hurt because I thought he should’ve been able to see enough good in me to see past his bias against my job. Before I was able to settle into a mini pity¬†party¬†at the fact that one I really liked didn’t return my feelings, I prayed about it and moved on assured that this guy wasn’t the right one after all. He didn’t give a f*ck.

You see if you were to go to a luxury¬†car dealer¬†and take a Lexus, a BMW and a Mercedes all out for a test drive, unless you were a multi-millionaire chances are you’d have to make one choice and not leave with all three. So if I consider myself a Porsche Carerra and a man isnt into Porches, but instead is more of a Lexus man, does that make my Porche any less valuable? That would be a resounding no! Whatever the rest of the girls Jay Z dated were like didn’t matter. Back when he was dating them, he wasn’t ready so it didn’t matter. They shouldn’t compare themselves to Bee or wonder why he didn’t feel the same way about them as he does about his first lady, it just wasn’t meant to be. (no pun intended)

To wrap this all up, I want to encourage my sistas to be a listen more closely to what a man says. Watch with open eyes and judge his actions honestly. Don’t infuse you’re own interpretation to his words. In short listen to what he says, watch what he does. You’ll learn his intentions quickly. Most importantly if you see a man who is at the place in his life where he doesn’t give a f*ck, don’t try to wait it out or try to influence him to see you as wifey. You’re not his wifey. You’ll be waiting around untill he finds his “best thing”. If you’re lucky he may shout you out in a song later, but who wants that right? Run.


His Best Thing Pt 1

Aug 09 0 Comments

While rap music is often a source of embarresment and disrespect towards the female gender, occasionally there are rare gems amongst the mysoginistic fray. While Gucci Mane chants “Beat her like a dog” his much more talented and sophisticated peer Jay Z did an intro for a song on Usher’s last album entitled “The Best Thing.” If you haven’t heard the record, basically Usher and Jay Z team up to talk about how their new brides are the best thing that ever happened to them. In Usher’s case….well never mind. There is a line in Jay Z’s intro that fascinates me. “Wrapped around all girls like pashminas, back then was my demeanor, the grass is always greener, I couldn’t give a f*ck, how could I give a finger?”

It’s a very simple line, but don’t miss its depth. “Back then I didn’t give a f*ck, how could I give a finger (in marriage)?” When I was a little girl my mother would always tell me, “Christal listen to what a man says. Watch his actions, pay attention. You’ll learn everything you need to know.” I dismissed her intensity, thinking she was just being dramatic and trying to scare me out of being in a relationship. Afterall, of course I would listen and watch. What else could I do, right? Wrong! Women don’t listen. There I said it. We don’t.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with friends where one of us will recite what a man said and then challenge¬†the others¬†to decode what he means. Madness I know, but when we’re talking it all makes sense. Nine times out of ten, no matter what grouping of words come out of the man’s mouth, your best girlfried will come up with an explanation that usually equals him being afraid of his feelings for you and insisting that you stick around to show him that they two of you ultimately belong together. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve listened and even participated in these decoding operations. What does one do when a man’s actions don’t match his words? He says he likes me, but he never calls. He doesn’t actually say he loves me, but we’ve been seeing each other for two years, I can tell by the way he looks at me that he loves me. I mean why would he keep seeing me if he didn’t have real feelings for me? Sound familiar? Of course. If there is estrogen coursing through your veins you’ve had a thought somewhat close to this run through your brain at some time. Well I for one have decided to wake up. Jay Z was almost clairvoyant. If a man doesn’t give a f*ck, how could he possibly give you a “finger” or in essence his heart?

Now let me clarify something. By saying not give a f*ck, I’m not speaking about men who are cruel or abusive. I’m talking about that nice guy who you hang out with that simply won’t go the extra mile when it comes to you. If you bring up marriage, suddenly he’s nervous. If you want to talk about defining the relationship he gets antsy. If you tell him that you see the two of you being together for an eternity, he smiles at you but doesn’t respond. He may like you for the moment but in the scheme of things, he doesn’t give a f*ck. So if you were to walk out of his life today, his life wouldn’t change all that much. For example, one of my best¬†friends¬†is a thirty eight year old man. Today he forwarded me a text from a young woman who was irritated with the fact that he wouldn’t take her out on a formal date. When they first met, she instructed him on all the things she wanted from a man. He listened and humored her for awhile, but had no intentions of doing any of the things she asked for. He was content to stay on the ride as long as the ride was smooth and he didn’t have to put to much effort into keeping the car coasting. After a short period of dating, she realized that effort in the relationship was painfully one-sided. She wised up and her response was to fire off an angry sistergirl text telling him she was through with him, after she reminded him how sexy she was. He laughed at the text and sent it to me and we laughed together.

For the love of Michael (PT 2)

Jun 26 0 Comments

As I watched the girls grieving I realized that because they are artists and their life is dedicated to music, Michael Jackson is a part of their DNA, but it doesn’t stop there. I am a writer by trade. I couldn’t put together a melody if you paid me and I can’t sing a note to save my life but I can honestly say Michael Jackson was an inspiration to my creativity as a writer. I don’t believe there was ever an entertainer or public figure that provided us with a tangible concept of creativity. Michael Jackson was not only music but he embodied a spirit of humanity that is even more rare than his gift. His music was full of love and life and inspired us all to be better people. I believe he was given the rare gift of being able to take his heart and put it to music, and he undoubtedly had the heart of an angel.
Undoubtedly over the years there were issues with Michael that many of us didn’t and may never fully understand. Although I believe God gifted him with a rare gift, he was human and I believe his gift brought with it a huge responsibility and in many ways overshadowed him as a man. We know the Bible says, to whom much is given much is expected. Often those rare talents are not with us long but their lives leave us with impressions that transcend generations. As it stands Michael Jackson the man was a mystery. What we do know is Michael Jackson is our definition of music. Without Michael Jackson I know pop, rock, rap, soul or even country music would be what they are today. He was a walking definition of melody, lyrics and rythmn.

So who did Michael Jackson belong to? There was the Michael Jackson of the sixties singing ballads with his brothers and introducing a generation to soul music in the footsteps of James Brown and Diana Ross. There was the Michael Jackson of the seventies that used funk and disco to broaden the boundaries of the soul music he helped to create. There is the Michael Jackson of the eighties that took pop music and made it in his own likeness. There was the Michael Jackson of the nineties that stepped outside of what we’d known before and showed us a softer side of himself. There is the Michael Jackson of today still collaborating with artists, touring and reminding us that music is pure and not contrived. He transcends labels, decades and genres, simply put he was music.

Michael Jackson did indeed belong to us all. His life was symbolic of those characteristics that make this journey on earth worth living. Michael Jackson’s life taught us to believe….to create…to inspire….but most importantly to love.

In love,
Christal Jordan-Mim

For the love of Michael (PT 1)

Jun 26 0 Comments

I remember arguing with Regina Miles over Michael Jackson. We were in second grade and she was dead set on convincing me and three other seven year old girls that Michael Jackson belonged to her. I remember digging in my backpack to find evidence of my devotion. Out of my schoolbag came books,magazines, posters and even my zippered Beat it jacket all proof of my undying devotion to Michael Jackson. She had the same items and probably a few more as did most of our classmates. She pushed her glasses back on her nose and stared me down all the while claiming Michael Jackson was “her man”. While I didn’t know what romantic love was, I did know I loved Michael Jackson. I knew this girl was tripping. I was Michael Jackson’s biggest fan. Regina and I never did agree on who Michael Jackson “belonged to” and I guess we never will.

I remember watching Motown’s 25th anniversary wide-eyed as he dazzled the audience and thinking he had to be the “coolest” man to ever walk the planet. I shared my sentiments with my mother who shook her head, claiming Michael Jackson and his brothers were around when she was younger. His genius was nothing new to her. She felt he belonged to her era. She introduced me to the¬†Jackson 5¬†and I fell in love even deeper. It didn’t seem that the little brown-skinned boy with the soulful eyes and amazing ability to translate love and relationships through music was the same man on stage with the flashy socks and tight black pants and unnerving sex appeal. Year earlier I recall riding in my Uncle’s convertible jeep while he blasted “Off the Wall.” He believed Michael Jackson belonged to his generation. Years later I sat on the sofa with my own daughter watching television and she sees a clip of Michael Jackson performing overseas. “No one can be Michael Jackson,” she says, although I believe she thinks Chris Brown is a close second. Still she believes Michael Jackson belongs to her. I just looked at her and shook my head.

After hearing he was gone Thursday afternoon I sat in my car with an up and coming female group. All three looked as if they’d loss a family member. Michael Jackson had been an inspiration to each of them. You could see it in their eyes, they’d experienced a very personal loss. Over the years I’ve interviewed various artists from all walks of music. As a freelance writer, I’ve interviewed everyone from platinum selling/ Grammy-winning singers, rappers and musicians who all share a consistent theme when speaking inspiration is Michael Jackson. I’ve interviewed producers, songwriters and even sound engineers; the consistent thread is always and will always be Michael Jackson.

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